If you wanna break my cold, cold heart
Just say ‘I loved you the way that you were’
If you wanna tear my world apart
Just say you’ve always wondered

I put you in the center of my universe and yet you still weren’t enough, and I hate that it’s not your fault because you tried your hardest to be. But you just watched everything happen. You watched me cry and wish for more, you watched my bones out with somebody new or somebody old, you watched the tears fall out of my eyes and you thought they were glints of stars, you watched everything happen and you still felt at ease knowing that you had my heart up your sleeve so it wouldn’t be possible for me to leave.

You said you loved me the way I was and I dragged myself through pain every single day trying to find recollections of the girl I used to be years ago; yet no matter how close I became to her, I had to accept the fact that the old me was just an idea, someone wise in your unwise years, someone bright in your darkened skies, and someone new in your olden days. But I have become old and perhaps you couldn’t differentiate nostalgia and just pure rust.

I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools
Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules
All to outrun my desertion of you
And you just watched it happen

The faces that I once wore now turned into dust—into garbage piled on top of another. The people I forced myself to be now kept safe in the vault deep inside my own thoughts. I have outgrown both myself and the place I was raised in, I no longer accept emotional hand-me-downs because I am a changed woman. I ran from the old days and marched my way into the present by changing and changing into phases of myself as an attempt to find my final face—the face that I’m content with.

But you never changed. You never chased me and you never squeezed my hand as an attempt to make me stay for just a second longer. You watched me slip off your hands knowing I would come back as a different person and somehow you’re content with knowing that I still have the same heart I did three years ago no matter what kind of face I forced myself to wear.

You noticed I was also alone and as lonely as you, yet you were too drowned in the luxury of my comfort to notice that I was also breaking down the same way as you. I cried the same warm tears you did, I was also chained by own demons and I fought the same battles as you.

And you just watched it happen

Is it that hard? Am I too much of a hassle be cared of? Should I continue be the bigger person when I wanted to feel small inside the arms of someone I dearly loved?

Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses
Cooler in theory but not if you force it to be
It just didn’t happen

In theory it did look like we were destined to meet. The way I crashed into you felt like this century’s greatest falling-in story because for once I found my counterpart. We were too similar to each other it was almost eerie. But my mistake was I forced that theory and no matter how hard I tried it would never become real. The only way to make it real is for both of us to deem it real. To want it to be real, to want it to happen. But it didn’t happen.

You weren’t mine but for eternity I wish I’d become yours.

We played along and watched our phantoms dance but I could never touch your ghost.
I could never feel what was never real.